Have you ever wondered why some children struggle with trusting adults or forming close relationships? Maybe one child you work with is withdrawn and quiet, while another has a short fuse and frequent outbursts. These behaviors might be linked to their early experiences and how those shaped their ability to seek comfort and safety from adults.

Babies and children who face frightening events or inconsistent caregiving often develop unique ways of coping with their emotions and needs. These coping mechanisms, known as adaptive attachment styles, can significantly impact their ability to form secure relationships.
Let’s explore the three main types of adaptive attachment styles: ambivalent, avoidant, and disorganized.

Ambivalent Attachment Style: “I Need You, but I Don’t Trust You”
Children with an ambivalent attachment style know they need adults to take care of them, but they don’t trust that these adults will be reliable. These children have likely experienced significant inconsistencies in caregiving. Sometimes the adults around them were attentive and caring, while other times they were neglectful or unresponsive. As a result, the child is unable to build trust and cannot find comfort in the adults in their life.

Avoidant Attachment Style: “I Don’t Need You. I Don’t Want Closeness”
The avoidant attachment style usually develops from a lack of caregiving. Children with this style learn to rely solely on themselves. When they are stressed or in need of comfort, they prefer to manage on their own rather than seek help from a caregiver. Even if they cannot handle the situation themselves, they still resist the idea of relying on others.

Disorganized Attachment Style: “Sometimes You Are Kind. Sometimes You Hurt. I Don’t Know What to Do”
Disorganized attachment stems from frightening and painful caregiving, often involving severe abuse. These children are trapped in survival mode—constantly in a state of fight, flight, or freeze. They cannot trust adults to take care of them, nor can they rely on themselves. This inner turmoil leaves them feeling unsure and confused, which is often reflected in their behaviors.
As you consider these attachment styles, think about the students in your classroom or the children you work with. How might they have adapted to the demands of their environment? How can we, as helping professionals, provide the consistent, reliable support needed to help these children feel secure and develop healthier relationships?

Continue Your Learning
If you’d like to learn more about how these attachment styles are formed and their impact on other areas of a child’s life, we encourage you to check out our webinar, “Attachment 101.”

By understanding these attachment styles, we can better support children in developing the trust and security they need to thrive.